LJ Idol - Week 7: Hikikomori

[pixiebelle]

 

The house was in need of repair, but it was in the middle of the forest and far away from other people. It was exactly what I needed. I couldn’t recall the last time someone had said my name, and I preferred it that way. 

The boxes of photographs marked Jane’s Memories stayed unpacked and tucked under my bed. My walls remained blank. I told myself it was to make it easy to paint, but I hadn’t bought any paint in the three months that I had lived there. 

My parents had left a sizable inheritance, enough money that I wouldn’t have to work for several years. There was a novel in my mind that was itching to be written, but the characters had grown silent since the accident. They too had left me. 

Every night, as darkness fell over the forest, I’d sit out on the patio. You would think that I’d be surrounded in silence, but it was actually incredibly loud. The bullfrogs and crickets made me feel less alone. 

One night, as I sipped the last of my tea- and cursing that I’d have to go into town the next day to buy some more - I caught sight of movement in the overgrown bushes next to the house. A moment later, a fluffy orange Maine coon emerged and stared back at me with the largest green eyes I’d ever seen. 

Did the cat distribution system bless me?

I placed my cup down carefully, hoping that I wouldn’t scare the cat away. 

“Psst psst,” I said softly, slowly lowering my hand toward the ground. 

The cat continued to stare at me without moving. I stayed as still as possible, hoping that the cat would realize I wasn’t a threat. It had felt like so long since I’d had a cat, and I found myself hopeful that I’d just made a new friend. 

“You look so much like Binx,” Tears welled up in my eyes, but I wiped them away. Binx had been my baby. 

The cat must have decided I wasn’t a threat, because he - or she - scurried up the stairs toward me. A soft “merrr” sound came from the cat’s mouth. That’s when I noticed the collar. Reaching down, I grasped the little heart that I believed to be an identification tag. 

“E. It just says E. Wonder what E stands for?” 

The cat let out a little purr as she rubbed against my legs. For some reason, I decided this had to be a girl cat. Perhaps it was the heart tag or maybe just a feeling. 

“Emerald, maybe?” The cat rubbed her cheek against my leg and stared up at me. “It would make sense with those beautiful eyes of yours. And even if it’s not, that’s what I’ll call you. Hi Emerald, I’m Jane.”  

I scratched the top of her head and she really liked that. Her eyes closed as she leaned into my touch. 

An unfamiliar twitch of my lips - was I smiling? It had been months since anything had made me smile. 

“It’s hard not to smile when you’re in the presence of such a pretty kitty,” I said. 

She reminded me so much of Binx, though her hair was much longer and fluffier. Binx also seemed to not have a single thought in her orange head, while this one seemed to look at me with some weight behind her eyes. No, this was a very smart cat, I could tell. 

“I bet your family is missing you,” I said, remembering the tag. She belonged to someone, so the cat distribution system hadn’t delivered her to me. “Man, what I wouldn’t give to have a family that missed me.” 

I spoke without even thinking about it. I couldn’t even recall the last time I spoke my thoughts out loud, I had avoided talking to everyone after the accident. I made small talk only when necessary to get through my day, and I kept all these thoughts and feelings tucked away. 

Emerald looked up at me and let out a soft meow. It felt like she was listening and talking back to me. Besides, she was just a cat, not like she could tell the world my secrets. 

I slipped from the chair down to the ground and she curled up beside me, her green eyes taking me in. I continued scratching her head as I talked. 

“I used to have a family. They loved me. My mom sometimes got on my nerves because she wanted me to call her every other day when I went away to college, and I told her that I needed to live my life. But she was just worried about me….I wish I would have called her.” 

My cheeks were wet before I even realized that I was crying. 

“Merrr,” Emerald nuzzled her head against my hand. 

“And of course my dad… He was always so much fun. He told the corniest dad jokes, and I used to roll my eyes. He just wanted to make me laugh though. I was their only child, they had hoped to have more but life hadn’t worked out that way. So no sisters or brothers for me. And now it’s just me.” 

Emerald headbutted my hand so hard that it surprised me. 

“Okay, well, right now I’m not alone, but you’re not my cat,” I said. The smile, it was returning. “I had a cat once, but she passed away seven months ago. Only two months before the accident. Fuck, life is so unfair, how can a person literally lose everything in just a few short months? At least if I had Binx… well, no matter, because I don’t.” 

Emerald stood up, and at first I thought she might leave me, but instead she moved closer to my face and slammed her head into mine with the strongest headbutt I think I’d ever received. She continued purring as she stared into my eyes. 

“It feels like you understand me, but I know that’s not possible. You’re just a cat.” 

Emerald’s tail twitched back and forth as her body stiffened for a moment. I’m not sure if she heard a sound or if something had spooked her. 

“It’s okay, sweet girl–” 

Before I could say another word, the cat barreled down the stairs and into the darkness. 

“That was nice while it lasted.” 

I moved back up to the chair and reached for my tea. It was now cold. I placed it back down with a sigh. Even though Emerald had left in such a hurry, my heart felt a bit lighter. 

For the first time in months, I slept without a single nightmare. 

********

I stared at the blank wall before me. The wallpaper needed to be ripped away, and beneath it, it looked to be a blank slate. I pondered all the possibilities. My favorite color is purple, so maybe a purple accent wall? Hell, maybe paint the whole room purple, who says I can’t have a purple living room? 

 I thought back to the cat from the night before and smiled. 

Maybe I should get a pet. Another cat? Maybe two? 

I had a window that would make the perfect perch for a feline or two. It looked out into the woods, and I could put a bird feeder out there so they’d have some birds to watch too. 

And in the corner, I could put my desk. The view was of the dirt road leading to my property and the large willow tree out front. 

Yes, it was all coming together. This place was starting to feel like home. 

I thought to the box of photographs under the bed, and my heart ached. 

Not just yet, Jane. Not yet. 

When I went into town to pick up some tea, I also stopped by the hardware store. A kind, older man helped me to pick out the paint, and as he was loading it into the car, I thought I would ask. 

“Do you know if anyone owns an orange Maine coon?” 

“Oh, you mean Evie? She’s, err, well, a bit of a local legend around these parts.” 

It figured in a town of 1,000 people, everyone knew each other. 

“Evie, so that’s what the E stands for.” 

“Yep.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and didn’t say anything else. Strange considering he wouldn’t stop yapping my ear off earlier. “Well, let me know how the paint works out for ya and if you need some more.” 

“Thanks, Bob,” I'd read the name off his shirt.

Evie. If I saw the cat again, now I knew what to call her. Bob hadn’t told me who she belonged to though. It was a small town, I’m sure I’d figure it out sooner or later, so I could tell her family what a sweet girl she was. 

A legend, huh? I wonder what she was famous for. 

If she came back for a visit, perhaps I’d ask her. 

I chuckled at the thought. 

Part of me was really hoping she would come back for a visit. That night, I sat outside again, a cup of tea in hand. I felt more relaxed as I listened to the sounds around me, but as the night went on, I started to think I wouldn’t see the orange cat again. 

But just before midnight, she came hurrying up the stairs. This time, she had something in her mouth. She dropped a card at my feet before rubbing her head against my legs. 

“Good evening, Evie! Yes, I know that’s your name, sweet girl. Sorry for calling you Emerald before.” I talked to her as if she understood me. 

Her green eyes sparkled as she meowed at me, once again leaning into my hand for scratches. 

“Thanks for visiting me again, though I do worry about wild animals in these woods. Perhaps you’d be safer if you stayed closer to home?” 

She nudged the card with her nose, as if reminding me it was there. 

“Oh yeah, what is this?” I picked up the card.  

Weekly Group Meeting Every Wednesday at 7 PM. Come and meet people in a supportive environment. Times are tough for everyone, but we can help each other get through it. Hosted by the Pineville Library. 

My pulse quickened. A tingle spread from my hands down my arms, as if the card held a silent magic that I had unknowingly summoned. 

“Evie, how did you get this?” 

Of course the cat couldn’t answer, not really. She meowed at me before turning on her tail and taking off into the darkness. 

Weekly group meetings? With people?

A lump formed in my throat. 

I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. 

I stared off into the distance, searching for Evie. 

How did a cat know to give this to me? Was it a coincidence? It had to be, right? 

There’s only one way to find out. 

********

I kept pulling at my sweater. I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe? 

It took everything in me to get out of my car and walk down the sidewalk toward the library. 

Just go home, you don’t want to talk to people. 

But talking to Evie helped

But she’s a cat and these are people. 

It was easier to talk to a cat because she didn’t understand a word I said. She wouldn’t judge me for crying, or criticize me for not calling my mom back the day she died. She wouldn’t tell me how it was my fault that my parents were dead. Not that anyone had said those things to me before, but what if they did?

My legs were shaking as I ascended the ramp toward the building. Thankfully, I kept moving forward. I wanted to know how a cat could bring me a card, and maybe, just maybe, I was hoping to feel less alone in the world. 

As I pushed open the door to the library, I found it mostly empty. Checking my watch, I thought maybe I was early, but instead, I was five minutes late. 

I scanned the room and there didn’t appear to be any sign of a meeting taking place. My heart hammered in my chest. What if the card wasn’t real? How could I explain to the librarian that a cat had given me the card and just left? 

Speaking of librarian, I noticed a women behind the counter. Her reddish blonde hair was pulled back into a braided bun. I was about to run for the door, to avoid having to talk with her, but I wasn’t fast enough. She turned around and saw me. 

Her eyes. 

Her emerald green eyes. 

I couldn’t stop staring. 

“Hi Jane,” she said. “The others are in the back, but I was waiting for you.” 

“How do you–” 

She smiled. I noticed the heart shaped necklace with the letter E engraved. My gaze lowered to the name at her desk. 

Evie Sinclair. 

“‘I’m so glad you came.”

(This is the start of a novel idea that came to mind recently. It will be the love story of Jane and Evie, the shapeshifting librarian. Hopefully I get the chance to write more in this world).